Sleep Paralysis

Another sigh broke the silence, and the glowing screen of my phone confirmed it was now midnight. This fear was embarrassing, especially at the age of my twenties ... stop being so afraid. Sleep paralysis is a hell of a thing. You're stuck between two worlds, your body is asleep, but your mind is awake, and let me tell you, the things you conjure up in your mind can be terrifying. Half of the shit I see, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies. Just imagine lying down, unable to move, while your mind creates the most jacked-up Blair witch project shit you can imagine. It's exhausting...

Telling my friends is pointless. Whenever I bring it up, they take it with a grain of salt. Don't get me wrong, these guys are my boy’s, but they can sometimes be pretty dense. This usually happens once a week. Not sure if different people get a scheduled dose, but I'm pretty lucky. And so there I was, surrounded by the oppressive darkness of my room, fixated on the steady rotations of the white ceiling fan above. The count was around 2,642; it was hard to shut my mind off. Memories of that mindless Netflix show flooded my thoughts as I closed my eyes. A chuckle escaped me as I witnessed just how bad it was. Thinking of that seemed to help me drift off.

The Start of this cycle begins. Here we go..... this would happen in three or four ways. Either an old witch would sit on my chest. A dark figure would stand in my doorway watching. Something with glowing eyes stands at the edge of my bed... something mundane but enough to trigger my flight response. This trip lasts only a few minutes but would feel like hours. I laid there, taking deep breaths to calm my nerves and mentally preparing myself for what lay ahead. Thinking in my head which one I would prefer tonight, yes it sounds crazy, but the amount of times this has occurred, you build up a morbid coping mechanism.....

But nothing happened, which wasn't too abnormal; sometimes, my brain was too slow to traumatize me. So back to the ceiling fan then. It was pretty lovely just with this silent atmosphere. Maybe if I was lucky, I could fall back asleep.....

Whaling sound

As if from another world, a blood-curling cry echoed into the room from outside. Downstairs, the deafening sounds of heavy objects crashing startled me.

Whaling sound

The sound of another scream echoed through the darkness. My heart was pounding so hard, I thought it was going to burst out of my chest. Was this....no? This had to be the paralysis.... this time. This was different, though. The screams sounded like they were coming downstairs, and a soft voice, like a woman, sounded like they were being thrown around and torn apart. What the fuck? This was a complete departure from what I was used to. The screams sounded feminine, but I couldn't recognize the woman until I heard the phrase, " Charles don't..... that's Christie".

That sent chills down my spine. The voice telling him to stop was familiar, sounding just like my mom. And there was Christie, my older sister, not making any sounds. As for Charles, well, that was my dad. What the hell was this? This had to be fake...... right, I needed to see this for myself. Despite my relentless efforts, nothing came to fruition. Screams.... The sound of objects being hurled, crashing against walls and shattering into pieces filled the air. The sound of shattering glass echoed through the air, soon followed by desperate pleas for help. It sounded like a horror scene, with my mother’s screams and my sister’s garbled mumbles, but she wasn’t talking anymore. This was too much.... wake... up.... wake up..... WAKE THE FUCK UP...... I tried so hard, but nothing was working. All I was doing was soaking the bed sheets up with sweat. "Now..... where the...... fuck is that boy...." my father commanded. Footsteps were creeping up the stairs; this was all a dream…wasn’t it? But the slow march of heavy footsteps did not wane. The knob slowly turned....this is not real......this is not real.......it's not...... The knob paused, and it was silent. Did he leave? Was this real or a dream?

Blood curling scream

Without warning, my father let out a blood-curdling scream followed by a heavy force thrown to the door, then back to silence. My heart raced, threatening to burst from my chest, mirroring the intensity in my eyes. Fuck..... this was too much... I can’t handle this.... this wasn't the usual feeling I would get from a sleep paralysis session. It was never this... disturbing... or personal. My breathing blurred out the silence, but there was nothing else. I felt it was strange that I hadn’t moved yet, but I knew that time could distort itself during these periods.

But there was more. The Knob resumed twisting, causing anticipation to build for what would emerge from it. Was this my father or something much worse? Or is something else taking his place? The door slammed open, followed by something lurking in the doorway. With multiple hands, it grabbed the edge of the door frame. The lack of light made it difficult to see any distinct features, but the figure’s impressive stature was impossible to miss. Slowly, it began inching its way closer. It was as if it was too tall to stand in the bedroom. It began rifling through drawers and tossing objects aside, as if searching for something specific. Then it paused and just stared at me; it was disturbing....... the eyes looked as if it was almost human, but their shape of its pupils threw it off. The figure shuffled around my room until it reached the opposite side of my bed, right out of eyesight. Only a piece of it was in my blind spot........ just sitting there...... I tried moving my mouth, but nothing came out......... I wanted to scream.......... but I have no mouth.

The air was getting colder. Shit... Shit... what the hell was this thing? When was I going to wake up from this nightmare? My body just lay stiff, ignoring any signals of movement. My mind was in a flux of fear and confusion; this was lasting longer than usual............ any minute, I would wake up soon..... right?

Then the tall figure started talking, and a weak, raspy voice came out, "yes......you are closer.....". What the fuck was this thing talking about? " Ethan.....don't....block.....me out....".

Block it out. What the hell does it mean by that? Why did it call me by my name....this is strange...I should be up.....what the hell....is going on?

Images and flashes of a room appeared inside my head; it looked familiar and foreign and was hard to explain. Sweat filled my forehead; I needed to get up already; I needed to leave already. "Ethan.....I'm losing.......you....." I couldn't take this. My breathing sped up faster and faster; it was still too quiet. How was my family? I need to get down there immediately. The room's walls were leaking; it was as if they were melting..... they were melting. The room was getting too warm... too hot... I needed to get out.

My body swayed left as I tumbled off the bed. A hand reached my shoulder. In the room, there was a woman who appeared to be in her forties and was wearing glasses, and she had a concerned expression on her face.

Don’t worry, Ethan. Everything is alright. You are safe here... you're safe here. As my face turned bright red with embarrassment, my hands continued to tremble uncontrollably. “No, it’s okay, I remember now…I remember all of it.” I concluded.

“You don’t have to say it now if you don’t want to.” She said.

“No…I’m ready too…I’m ready to stop defending him… it was him…. It was..it was my father.” I said.

And with that, the proper path to healing started.

Music Credits-

@CO.AG Music